


Take my Breath Away

by Tilperiel



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Action, Angst, F/M, Fighter Pilots, Friends to Lovers, Gen, M/M, Mystery, Romance, another jeanmarco au, rating changed for chapter 4
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-17
Updated: 2014-04-19
Packaged: 2018-01-16 02:33:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1328662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tilperiel/pseuds/Tilperiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens in the best RAF squad in the country with the ACE combat pilots who live and breathe flying when the four newest recruits show up? Jean Kirschtein is ambitious and confident, arrogant about his skills. Marco Bodt trained hard to get where he is and is doing his best to keep his best friend from killing himself, not just in the air but on the ground when he comes up against top pilot Eren Jaeger and there's the added problem of an unknown element...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

‘Mayday Mayday! Jesus Fucking Christ someone help us!' 

A burst of static.

_'At least you can move on now’ were the last thoughts that went through my head before I blacked out. Sometimes things just don’t go according to plan. Like...you win some, you lose some, I guess._

 

\-----------------------------------------

 

The large red brick building stood behind me and I could hear the flag snapping in the wind off on one side. Apart from that everything was currently silent besides from the odd nervous cough. I stood stiffly to attention, my rifle beginning to feel heavy in my hand and uniform pulling with my taught posture as we all waited for the parade to start. I knew that the other guys would be surreptitiously scanning the crowd, stood with their cameras and smart phones out already to remember the day by, for their family members. I didn't bother. I knew my parents weren't there.

Finally a shout went up for attention, we all snapped to it and the band started up. Turning in unison, marching in time as we'd been practising tirelessly for and my graduation parade was over before I’d had chance to think about it too much. Which I didn’t mind at all. The Tornado wowed the crowds as the pilot shot by overhead towards the end when we all stood proud before the onlookers in front of the jet behind us, flying low and twisting mid-air.

Fucking show off. I couldn’t help the smile that twitched at my lips and the flip in my stomach at the sight.

Because I, Marco Bodt, had managed to graduate as a fast jet pilot. Tomorrow I would pack up my kit, clear my bed space for the next batch of hopefuls and head off to RAF Trost along with the other three who’d made it through, whilst the rest of the guys I’d spent the last three months here training with were spread all over in various regiments where no doubt more than a few would be back again next year to see if they could make the grade.

 

\------------------------------------------

 

“Hey Freckles! We fucking made it man! I can’t believe we fucking made it!” Reiner came over with that big cheesy shit-eating grin of his and pounded me on the back, causing me to stumble forward a step. I shot him a look and chuckled before seeing others coming over.

“Aw yes! Flying with the big boys now!” Connie joined us, Jean in tow and both with beers in hand. I took one that was being offered and drank with a grin of my own as I relaxed. We’d inevitably ended up in the local down the road from the barracks. It was surreal to even be here, I had to keep looking round at the others who were here with us and keep reminding myself where I was. It’d felt like the first day at High School when we’d arrived this morning. This evening was supposed to be getting to know the new squad but as usual it ended up with just the four of us propping up the bar. Old habits die hard and all that, but it was really more that we were little more than nervous kids.

Oh sure we’d all been flying for a few years now, I had a combat operation in Afghan under my belt as did Jean. That’s where we’d met initially and I had him to thank for giving me the confidence to even try out for one of the coveted places here. I would have never had the guts otherwise. I knew my limitations, I was smart, sure, but when you were flying a Hawk to the limit of the aircraft's’ capability with accuracy you needed to have the reaction speeds to match, which I had to train myself so god-damned hard to be anywhere near good enough to do.

Jean on the other hand…that was another matter. I smiled at him and sipped at my beer as he stood there, leaning against the wooden counter and trying to play it cool. He wore the expression of someone who’s gotten exactly what they wanted in life and knows that they’re good at what they do. Like no-one could touch him and he was invincible. Dark blonde hair artistically styled to be messy on top (how he got away with having it longer than the rest of them was anyone’s guess), leaning against a wooden support beam of the pub’s faux Elizabethan interior. Bright amber eyes twinkling with happiness. He radiated smugness. We were all riding on a high at the moment though so I guessed he could be forgiven. I only wished I knew what it felt like myself, to have everything you wanted...

_Pull yourself together Bodt! None of that shit tonight, cut it out!_

I chugged back some more of my drink and forced a laugh out at one of Reiner’s crap jokes. I didn’t need to start wallowing in self-pity right then. New start, time to push past things and get my head in the game. I was going to get over whatever infatuations I’d developed over the last year on my best friend and focus on my career. Hell, maybe I’d even get Top Gun if I did that, channel my repressed feelings into something more useful…

Eh. I’d been doing that since Afghan already. How else did I get here?

A wiry guy I recognised from introductions earlier came over shaking me from my thoughts. He looked like he’d had a good few already and was wearing a smirk that told me this wouldn’t go down well.

“So you’re the new buncha dip-shits we’ve gotta kick into shape then?” he started, earning himself a lip curl instantly from Jean.

I reached out and put a hand on his arm and caught his eye, a tiny imperceptible head shake. Not tonight I thought at him. But this guy, Eren I remembered his name was, just couldn’t keep his big mouth shut. He was obviously looking for a reaction. Guys like him usually were, you got at least a couple of them in every squad. Guys with opinions. Guys who were good and they knew it and so did everyone else. You either respected them made friends or you competed and butted heads.

Unfortunately we already had one of those in the group and I could tell that we were going to be breaking up fights for the foreseeable.

“Don’t worry, we’ll go easy on you. For now,” he laughed, “can’t have you passing out at seven or eight Gs because you were trying to prove a point now can we?”

I heard a growl and groaned, looking at Reiner for back-up seeing as Connie looked as pissed as Jean right about now. He was usually the best one to have about in these kinds of situations. Big enough and intimidating enough to stop shit from kicking off too badly but calm enough not to get involved.

“What was your call sign again?” Jean asked with a look that I recognised and tightened my grip on his arm as he stepped forward, “Hothead? Mouth?” He smirked and I hung my head, “I got it, you’re Weiner!” He laughed at his own joke and Connie joined in.

By now a few of the others had joined us and Eren was visibly fuming. He squared up to Jean and man he was fast for his size! The first punch was thrown and Jean’s arm was wrenched from my grasp. We all went in to pull them apart and Reiner came out with his arms around a snarling Jean whilst a short blond guy who was obviously a lot stronger than he looked was dragging Eren back, who was sporting a bloody nose. He wiped at it angrily and shook himself free, staring daggers at Jean who was by now licking at a bleeding bottom lip.

“What the fuck!” Jean spat, “they told us to watch out for pricks at Trost.” He was struggling to get free from Reiner’s grip, who was having none of it. “Let me go!”

“Evening gentlemen!” A voice came from behind them. Cultured and with a ring of authority. Everyone stopped and turned, snapping to attention. The newcomer was tall, broad, had a short cut of blonde hair and was looking at them all as calm as a cucumber with piercing blue eyes, despite the scene before him. “Trust you’re making our new recruits feel welcome?”

Reiner had let go of Jean by now, perhaps realising even he wasn’t dumb enough to make a scene in front of the Wing Commander.

Looking at them all Wing Commander Erwin ‘Eagle’ Smith as I had diligently remembered gave a small grunt and a nod. “Good. Training starts at oh eight hundred hours. I expect to see you all there.” He locked gaze with Eren and Jean in turn and then turned and left. Everyone slowly relaxed, though the beer in my hand didn’t look so appealing any more.

“Fuck this shit, I’m out,” Jean muttered angrily and turned to leave. I put my drink on the bar with a sigh and went to follow him, a quick raise of the hand to the others. “Night guys.” I jogged a little to catch Jean up and kept pace as he stalked off, slowing a little when I showed up beside him.

“Smooth,” I said as we walked, out through the beer garden and starting up the lane that lead back to base. There was a little village beside RAF Trost which was situated up in the Welsh mountains, pretty and old-fashioned. About the only people that lived there though were the families from the base seeing as they had to put up with the low-flying aircraft coming in constantly. As none of us new guys had family living with us and there was a waiting list for single quarters we were in barracks for the time being, which is where we headed for in the gathering twilight.

I stuffed my hands in my jeans pockets and looked sidelong at Jean, shaking my head at him. “You’re a prat, you know that? That big mouth of yours is going to get you into real trouble one day. Not just a slap from some arsehole who thinks he owns the place.”

Jean said nothing for a minute and I wondered if he was pissed with me, Eren or himself.

“Marco, you don’t get it do you?” He asked and gave me a look which was far deeper than I’d thought for just a fight in a bar.

“What’s to get?” I shrugged, wondering what he was going on about, “you called Eren Jaeger a weiner in-front of the squadron and he smacked you. That I could have seen coming, I’ve heard he’s the best we’ve got, even if he is a hothead. You heard of Operation Just Cause right? Well that was Hunter.”

I’d met the blond guy who’d pulled Eren off Jean earlier that day when we were having a break from shifting our kit. We’d got talking about who my new colleagues were and he was interested in us new guys. Seemed that Eren ‘Hunter’ Jaeger had a good few missions under his belt more than we had, even if he was only a little older. His latest being an operation in Syria that we weren’t even supposed to be involved in with the US. It sounded impressive.

Jean looked a bit taken aback by the information but soon enough he was countering. “Well I intend to change that,” he retorted and I could hear the passion in his voice, “I _will_ be the best, I don’t care what that little shit’s done already. I know I have the skills, you’ve seen me! You watch!”

He stopped and turned to face me and I knew he was expecting me to agree with him. He was good, I gave him that, but I worried for him too. Because I knew he was reckless and that wasn’t a great trait to have in combat situations. He flew on reserves too often, getting chewed out for it and laughing it off afterwards like it was nothing. He flew too close too and had scared the living shit out of me on more than one occasion.

I bit my lip and considered my response. In the soft darkness that was falling his eyes shone out at me. Bright and full of life. He had handsome sharp features which I knew by heart and it broke me when I came to think that he might end up doing something so foolish one day as to remove them from my sight. My gaze fell to his mouth where the lower lip was split, blood dried onto it now and I looked away and over his shoulder with an audible swallow and heat in my cheeks. I was grateful for the lack of much light to hide them.

“This isn’t about you getting top honours. We’re supposed to be here defending our country. Defending other countries who can’t defend themselves.” I looked back at him with pinched brows. “This isn’t about you Jean. How about focusing on being a leader instead? You’ve got the potential. I don’t want to be going to your funeral because your ego was too big for you to handle.”

“Thanks Marco, thanks a fucking lot.” He glared at me and I could tell even in the dark that his face was red, angry now at me. I sighed and he turned and marched away whilst I stood in the lane and watched him go.

I stood there until it was fully dark and I could hardly see where I was going. I stood thinking of absolutely nothing with the cold seeping in through my light clothing and I was shivering. It was what I did when I got too close to speaking what was actually on my mind, shutting everything down. It wasn’t until I heard voices floating up to me from behind that I snapped back to where I was and I got moving again, hugging my arms around me and hurrying to get back to the warm.

 

\--------------------------------------------------

 

I slid into my seat in the briefing room the next morning just before eight, almost everyone else already there. I'd stayed in the mess hall for breakfast till the last minute chatting to Armin, who I’d seemingly hit it off with right away. He was easy to talk to, quiet and really smart. Just from two short chats I’d gathered a fair bit of info that I hoped would get me through the first few weeks here without getting myself in too much hot water. Seemed his name ‘Rainman’ was well deserved. Kid had a darn near perfect memory for details so it seemed.

The only down side for now seemed to be that he was fast friends with Eren who’d sat eating his cereal with a scowl and a bruised nose. He hadn’t exactly said anything to me as such but I got the vibe that I’d been singled out as enemy material after picking sides with Jean last night. I tried to include him in conversation to no avail. Even my perma-smile didn't seem to thaw him out.

“Don’t worry about him,” Armin had cheerfully told me whilst Eren was still clearly sat in hearing range, “he’s like this every time we get new joins. As long as you don’t prove to be the next Red Barron then he’ll chill.” Eren just muttered something into his bowl that sounded like ‘horseface’ and I shook my head and laughed it off.

I’d met most of the faces yesterday, even if only in passing though there were one or two exceptions. It wasn’t a big squad with only four people getting in every year, less than twenty in total.  A tall guy with dark hair sat up front who I didn’t recognise with ‘Hoover’ on his tag. He turned to talk to someone behind who he’d heard called ‘Blondie’ yesterday, the name on shirt was Wagner.  

_Okay, another two to add to the list_

Jean was sat a few chairs to my left and and avoided me since yesterday. I looked over and sighed. I’d have to find him later and try to get the idiot to calm down. He was my best friend but still that didn’t matter as I knew he was capable of bearing a grudge even over something small for an awful long time if allowed to. I looked away unhappily and I was still surreptitiously checking to see if I could remember people round the room (a habit I’d developed early on and had stuck) when the door opened and a short guy with a severe haircut came in, looking annoyed just to even have to be there.

His insignia told me he was Squadron Leader and I sat up a little straighter. If the rumours were true then this guy was single-handedly the best that the RAF had ever had. He’d retired from flight duties only recently and had a raft of medals and accomplishments behind him. He was also known for not suffering fools gladly…

“Okay, listen up,” he instantly held the room’s attention. “If you’re thinking you’re going to come in here and start showing off with your hot shot skills fresh out of the academy then think again.” Levi’s eyes met my own and then moved on to Reiner, Connie and Jean’s in turn. I noticed they narrowed on Jean and he held his stare before continuing. I couldn’t help but think that his antics before getting here were going to follow him round.

“This isn’t flight school and no-one’s going to be holding your hand. You’ve got a job to do and you will do it _as I say so_ starting from now. This,” he turned and pulled down a cord behind him dropping a large scale contour map of the surrounding area and took out a laser pointer to show us where he meant, “is where you’ll be training over from tomorrow. I know most of you know this, but seeing as _some_ of you don’t seem to be able to understand plain English then I’m going to go over it all again for the benefit of the newbies…”

Needless to say it was a long day. By the time Levi had finished going over or flight paths and squad formations and all of the technical info we would need I just wanted to go and sit in a darkened room and rest my brain. I felt like it had been stuffed full of all it could take for one day and was even contemplating skipping dinner. I could tell without asking that the others felt the same way. Everyone looked exhausted and we hadn’t even been outside.

Guessing a shower might help I went back to my room to change, but half way through unbuttoning my shirt there was a knock on the door.

“Oh, hey.” I stepped back as I opened it to an uncomfortable looking Jean to let him in.

“Sorry, I can come back…” he glanced at my open shirt and I coloured quickly, pulling it closed with my arms self-consciously across my chest.

“No, no, it’s fine. I guess I need to apologise anyway after yesterday. I should’ve backed you up.” I wandered to sit down and Jean followed me over to the small sofa.

“Seriously dude, you’ve gotta stop that.” I looked up and Jean was giving me one of the lop-sided smiles of his that made my stomach do odd turns so I looked away quickly. It didn’t deter him and he poked my arm.

“ _Someone_ round here needs to be able to tell me when I’m being a dick-head. And you were right. The world doesn’t revolve around Jean Kirschtein, more’s the pity.” He laughed and I had to join in, feeling a bit better already.

“You don’t need to be picking fights though,” I told him, “especially not with Eren Jaeger. He has too many contacts, not your best idea ever.”

“I heard his skills were honed by extra practice with Levi. Some, shall we say, _extra tuition_?” Jean waggled his eyebrows at me.

“Jean!” I swatted his arm and laughed.

“Oh come on. How else d’you think a guy only a year older than us ended up on top so quickly? I bet you he’s over there right now getting a good seeing to, lucky bastard.”

I stared at him open mouthed with a rush of heat to my cheeks. “You trying to tell me you have a thing for Levi now after one day with him?” Yeah, I didn’t need dinner tonight; I suddenly had no room in there with all the churning going on.

“What? No. No!” His eyes were wide and he was all flustered and red, “I just…well I meant…You know what I mean!”

“Actually I don’t.”

“Look…it’s just…been a while! Okay! Not that I want Levi though! Or Eren fucking Jaeger! Don’t tell me you don’t have urges too. _Remember_ I was in the next bunk for the last three months.”

_Fuck! No! What the Hell’d he hear! Shit!_

I knew I talked in my sleep; I’d been teased about it relentlessly at High School after having a few sleepovers with embarrassing consequences. That no-one had said anything in training I’d assumed I hadn't been recently, but sounds like that was wishful thinking. I dared to look at him and saw he was still red as anything and his lips were pressed together threatening to split open the cut again with the pressure.

“Do I want to know?” I asked carefully, trying to remain calm, even when my heart was hammering out of my chest about now. I’d kept my feelings completely under wraps and wanted it to stay that way. The last thing I needed was to lose my best friend because I sleep-talked.

But then…he’d not said anything till now so maybe I was over-reacting.

Jean looked up at me with a warm smile and I could have melted on the spot. “Naw, don’t sweat Freckles, nothing I'm going to use against you. Probably a good thing we’re all in our own rooms now though.” He giggled and it was such a happy sound I couldn't help do the same, bumping my shoulder against his.

“Shut up, at least I don’t snore after a couple of pints!”

“I don’t snore!”

“Oh yes Jean, you most certainly do!” I made an imitation and he whacked my arm, both of us laughing.

“Good thing you don’t have to sleep with me then!”

“Y-yeah, good job.” My smile faltered only slightly and I got up, holding my shirt together again now which had been forgotten for a while. Jean took the cue and went over to the door.

“Catch you downstairs in a bit?” He looked hopeful, how could I refuse?

“Sure, save me a seat.”

 

\---------------------------------------------------------

 

End of my first proper day at Trost and I collapsed into bed before midnight, which was early for me. I usually had difficulty sleeping, even after a full day, but tonight I was mentally exhausted which did me in more than a tired body ever could. I changed into a clean t-shirt and shorts, brushed my teeth at the sink in the corner of my room and crawled under the duvet, pulling it up around my ears.

Tomorrow and I’d be up in the air again for the first time in weeks and I couldn’t wait. Flying was quite literally my life-blood, the adrenaline rush wasn’t something that ever wore off. Not for me anyway and I didn’t think for the other guys either. It was what we lived and breathed, it was why we’d put our bodies through torture to be here and would keep doing it until they gave up and we had to stop.

I drifted off knowing tomorrow would be a good day with a smile on my lips, though my traitorous brain decided that the last image I held before I lost conscious for the night wasn’t the Hawk I’d be sat in, not the sight of the Welsh countryside and mountains rushing past at nearly six hundred miles an hour, but of Flying Officer Jean ‘Rocket’ Kirschtein in his jump suit and wearing that grin I loved so much.


	2. Dog Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First time out on manoeuvre and it should have been plain sailing...or flying!...but of course things don't go quite according to plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised it would be longer and there'd be more action and I hope this doesn't disappoint. I add the disclaimer that I know next to nothing beyond my research about the RAF or flying so if there are inaccuracies forgive me or better still let me know. 
> 
> Happy Reading!

“Yo! Freckles! Over here!” A voice called out from over the other side of the hanger and I raised a hand in acknowledgement and finished zipping up my flight suit.

I hadn’t flown now for a couple of months and had to admit, the anticipation of feeling that again, the moment when you were forced back into your seat and climbing at nearly fifty metres per second, hands gripped tightly to the stick and _knowing_ that your life and potentially that of others too relied on you keeping your head in the game was pretty adrenaline pumping. I couldn’t keep the grin off my face as I joined the guys, fist bumping Connie and knocking shoulders with Jean.

“All set dude?” Jean handed me a coffee in a plastic cup that promptly burned my hand a bit and I sipped at the scalding hot beverage, pulling a face at the lack of sugar. “Sorry,” I got a shrug of an apology. 

Others were filtering in too from the locker rooms, some of them I was starting to get more of a handle on already, those people you were naturally drawn to and more likely to be friends with and others who’d forever be in the background. I liked to think I was the kind of person who included others if I could; trying to get them into the conversation and making people feel welcome. Same went with talking to people, I guess I just never was the shy type but now I was one of the new kids on the block again and I wasn’t quite so sure of myself. I waited for the group to all be assembled, a few nods to those who said hi and tried not to say anything too stupid.

My mom would tell me how as a small kid I’d just wave and say ‘hello!’ to anyone who looked my way. That of course had been knocked out of me at school after a couple of years. Once children get that self-awareness thing going on and if you’re not the same as everyone else you’re the weirdo. So I’d slipped a bit into being quieter, reddening at the comments thrown my way when I answered questions in class or offered to help when someone didn’t get something. I was already different enough with being covered in freckles as it was, it wasn’t like they needed any more ammunition.

The older I got though and the more I’d grown into myself. I’d thought about Uni for a good while, my mom and dad had been pushing hard for me to go to med school since I was small. To be honest though…it really wasn’t for me. Sure I wasn’t going to pretend I wasn’t smart enough, my grades were almost all in the top ten percent but it didn’t have that pull for me. It just lacked something, I wanted more excitement in my life. I played sports too and sure I was good, but that wasn’t enough either.

At fourteen a slightly (okay, very!) awkward Marco Bodt had turned up at the local Air Cadets meeting hall and I guess that had been when I’d began to find my place. I hadn’t exactly had the build or the stamina back then to handle myself so well but over a couple of years the discipline of training and camps had really done wonders. 

There was a forest near where we lived that had shooting ranges all sectioned off and old bunkers and stuff we could use. It had already been a base in the Second World War for the RAF and one of the fields we used was grown over what used to be the landing-strip. You could see bits of concrete through the turf where it was a bit thinner. Which wasn’t the safest when you were playing football after training. A graze from sliding over concrete was definitely something to be avoided!

So I’d learned to shoot pretty accurately, learned how to cook, learned how to make the neatest bed and pile of clothing in the universe, so much so that my mother nearly had a heart attack the first time I came back from camp and she came up to my room to find the previous pig-sty was suddenly pristine and neat as a pin (I chuckled at the memory when it came to me, I’d done it really only to see her face!). I learned how to run ten kilometres through uneven, hilly, muddy forest trails with a twenty-five kilo backpack, in which the weight was gradually increased the older and stronger we became. I’d learned how to pitch a two man tent during gale force winds on the side of a Welsh mountain. I’d learned just how much I adored flying after my first few flights from the small air field nearby.

The Cessna was only small and when I’d been handed over the controls at five thousand feet for the first time I’d been a nervous wreck, even though I knew the instructor could take his back where he sat in the seat in front at any second, but then that rush. That feeling when I’d realised I was _actually_ in control of the plane and was flying, that when I moved the control stick it was me making the turn, the wing dipping down when I glanced out of the window had put a stupid grin on my face and it had stayed there right through the flight. I’d handed control back over before the landing, not needing to go through that on my first lesson but I’d been on a high for days afterwards. It was all I wanted to do to get back up there again.

I’d also learnt other things there too. Things about myself. I’d learnt that I could hold a group of teenage boys captive when I told stories late at night, a feat in itself considering out attention spans at that age for anything that wasn’t smutty or about things mechanical was hardly worth mentioning. I’d found out that I was the one that people tended to come to when they needed someone to talk to who wouldn’t laugh at them or ask awkward questions. That I was a good listener and found that I could give pretty decent advice considering I wasn’t exactly very worldly.

I’d also had the realisation creep up on me over the months that perhaps I wasn’t so like the other guys as I wanted to be either. I found myself staring a little longer than I should at the shape of an arm, the turn of a jaw, the curve of a backside… I found myself having to hide particularly embarrassing boners on occasion that _really_ had no business being there and I tried to will them away with force of mind the majority of the time, seeing as I was stuck in situations which afforded little to no privacy to take care of that kind of thing.

It had made me feel sick when finally I sat myself down in my bedroom at home one day after waking up after yet another wet dream feeling really quite shitty. It wasn’t that I had anything against people who were gay, nothing like that. My parents hadn’t ever really said so much on the subject so it wasn’t that I was scared of their reaction and why would they? We were a normal middle-class family living in the heart of English suburbia where the only contact they’d had with anyone from the gay community was my cousin Scott, who was spoken about in terms of ‘well we could see that one coming a mile off anyway’ and ‘he’s such a dear to his parents, bless.’

Yeah, I didn’t want to be labelled in the same category as Scott. No offence, but being a literal drama queen wasn’t for me.

Plus I’d by that point decided I was joining up when I’d finished my A-Levels. With a shake in my hand I remember nervously one night going onto the RAF website and looking at their policy for sexual orientation. I was pretty sure it’d changed recently but I needed to see it to be sure…though I’d closed the page quickly and deleted the history from my browser once I’d checked. Head in my hands and I’d decided then and there it didn’t matter. I wasn’t coming out anyway, so why worry? This was my problem and I didn’t need anyone else to make it theirs. Because despite the rule changes to let anyone serve, I knew full well it wasn’t like that on the inside. Even in the Cadets there were slurs thrown about like they were the funniest shit ever.

No-way was I putting myself through that. No fucking way. So I’d vowed there and then, that very night, that I didn’t care if it did mean I ended up lonely I wasn’t going to screw up any chances of making something of myself as a pilot just because I liked guys instead of girls.

Thanks a bloody lot then to Jean Kirschtein for coming along and making that about a million times harder.

I sipped more at my coffee, smiling at my sandy haired best friend as he told some of our new squad an anecdote from one of his previous postings and they all laughed. I was jolted from my thoughts of anything I shouldn’t have been thinking right then as Squadron Leader Heichou came over in his pristine white shirt and trousers and the scarf that made him look like something of an extra from a film set of a WW2 or even WW1 classic. With the severe undercut on top, all that was missing was the handlebar moustache, flying hat and goggles and perhaps a thick leather jacket.

Who did that? Stick him next to Wing Commander Erwin and you had the perfect set up.

I imagined a ‘tally ho chaps!’ or a ‘chocks away!’ to come from him and smothered a giggle with my hand, turning it into a cough as best I could, earning myself amused glances from the guys closest and a pounding on the back from Jean who shook his head at me and smirked, raising a brow. “Tell you later,” I mouthed silently with a wide grin and went to listening to Levi before he could catch my inattention and call me out on it. I caught Jaeger giving us a look and chose to ignore it.

 

\---------------------------------------

 

Briefing over and we were out on the runway. Typically for Wales it was pissing it down and the wind was blowing it almost horizontally so we all hurried over to our respective planes which were fuelled up and ready to go. I felt my stomach give a flip as I climbed in and reached to pull over the hatch above me where my mechanic hurried round to secure everything in place as I settled in. I got to work strapping my harness in place, buckles over my thighs and shoulders, squirming about in the tight cockpit to reach everything. Clicks and thuds were muffled through my heavy helmet, my call sign in big red letters in the back.

It was never going to be anything else was it? Typically we don’t get much choice in the monikers we have and I’d years since grown to like my appearance and the nickname was one I’d had since I could remember anyhow.

Jean had ended up with Rocket after he’d proven that he was one of the fastest with his reaction speeds of anyone and also the fact that he went off like one with that God-damned temper of his. You could watch it building sometimes and actually count it down to take off. Yeah, it suited him.

Reiner was fairly easy, he was Iron Man and under that green flight suit he was built like a brick shit house. I’d only seen him mad on a couple of occasions so far but that was plenty. I’d already vowed in the short space of time I’d known him _not_ to piss him off, grateful that he was counted as a friend. He had anyone’s back who fit that category, thankfully.

Then Connie…man he was cheeky little fucker! You could always count on him to be in the middle of anything that was going down _below the radar_ so to speak and if you needed anything somehow he could always manage it. I’d been to one of Connie’s parties back at his home during the Christmas leave and I’ll be honest, I don’t know how we made it back to base after that! He wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed but he always _somehow_ managed to get away with being caught at anything and he was a genuinely nice guy too. So Connie was officially Roadrunner.

I heard a burst of static through the set in my helmet and quickly I clipped my mask in place.

“All set Freckles?”

A familiar voice cut through and I looked across the runway to the jet to the right of my own, Jean giving me the thumbs up. I did the same in return, flipping the transmit switch over and seeing the red light come on.

“Rodger that Rocket. All good here. Can’t wait to get up there.” My voice conveyed the grin I was wearing as I flipped down my visor and checked over all the instruments again as the Hawk was powered to life.

“Easy there dude, don’t want to be creaming your pants before take-off,” came the reply and I snorted.

“You couple of fairies keep going, I’m gonna kick both your asses up there anyway!” another voice cut in that I recognised as Eren Jaeger’s.

“Shut the fuck up Hunter, I’m gonna give you a lesson today on how the real boys can handle this baby.” I could almost see the smirk on Jean’s face just from his tone. I sighed. I knew this was going to be the case, those two fighting it out for highest ranking here but knowing I was being dragged into it as Jean’s wingman? Well that kind of sucked. Because when Jean got competitive he sometimes got dangerous and it was going to be my job to control him.

As if I didn’t have enough problems with him already.

There was more back and forth of bitchy comments and insults, I was tempted to switch off my radio till we were ready for the get go but then Reiner’s voice cut in. “Can it the pair of you. Some of us have grown out of High School name calling so if you want to hit each other with your handbags, save it for later, yeah?”

“Who the fuck d’you think you are, big man?” Woah, Eren had balls! I gave him that. I stopped with my checks for a moment, an amused smile on my lips.

“Just someone who would like to get on with my job and doesn’t want to listen to you running your mouth,” came the return and I snickered. Burn! I could imagine steam coming from the top of Eren’s head at the take down.

No doubt it would have gone on for a good while longer if we hadn’t been called to take off but final checks were completed as chocks were dragged out of the way, signals were given by the guys on the ground and we were given clearance through our headphones that we were good to go.

I eased forward on the throttle and taxied over, waiting for my turn and watching as the first jet made the runway, gathering speed and then gracefully took-off, immediately taking a left turn and rising to become smaller and smaller in the cloudy sky. I grinned hard like the big kid I was as I watched it, the second already on its way to following.

“See you in the air!” I called out to Jean, one last thumbs up as I took my own Hawk over and let the calm focus I needed to take charge of the precision machine settle over me. A couple of deep breaths and I closed my eyes once, a prayer recited as a mantra and I opened them and pressed forwards.

The speed picked up fast, the end of the runway nearing at what would have been an alarming rate if I hadn’t done this by now hundreds of times already and when the LCD on the display told me I was at the right speed I pulled back, feeling the G force steadily increasing on my body as I gained altitude at a rate of almost fifty metres per second. The bladders on my legs pumped up automatically as the force got higher, keeping the blood in my body where it should be and preventing me from blacking out. I took the left turn, rolling the aircraft smoothly to get into formation position, checking all my readouts and making sure everything was as it should be. The horizon levelled off on the display and I settled to gaining the right height and circling the area until we were all ready.

When we were it was fast. “Let’s do this!” sounded through my headset and one by one the fighter jet’s peeled off, pairs forming in the sky and I followed suit. It never ceased to amaze me how we all managed to pull this off, I’d never have believed anyone if they’d told me what I’d be capable of ten years ago but here I was, focused and as pumped as everyone else for the manoeuvre.

We were split into two sides, Black and Red and we had software that allowed us to simulate being able to lock on target and fire missiles without actually doing so and that was the aim. First team to wipe out the other wins. Simple as that. A plain old-fashioned Dog Fight. Both sides had different initial flight paths they were taking, unknown to the other and as we followed round to our starting coordinates I checked in.

“How’s everything looking Rocket?” Call signs were essential seeing as all conversations went to everyone on our side. I glanced through to the plane visible through the now light cloud cover to my right.

“All set to take ‘em down Freckles. Don’t sweat it,” came the response and I could hear the affection there, or at least I hoped I did. Even with all the adrenaline in my system still his voice could make my stomach do somersaults.

The call came through from Heichou for the go and I saw the dark grey Hawk with its circular RAF target on the side and Union Jack on the tail streak off to the right, tearing away and a ‘whoo! Coming to get you boys!’ cut through on the air. I laughed before pushing round and doing the same, gaining speed to keep in formation and eyes already looking so as nothing could take us unawares. The other side had planes with red tips on the wings and tails so we’d know who was who. Even so, I was taking a bet that if Jean and Eren had ended up on the same side there would have been an instance of friendly fire.

We flew on, looking down below us and I could see the green pasture and lands blurring past, unable to make out any kind of detail at this speed. The peaks of Snowdonia shot by, white tipped still at this time of year. We were fairly low and I knew from my own past that people would be looking up to watch as we flew by. Kids pointing up in awe as we shot overhead and waiting for the sonic boom to follow. We were restricted now to how often we could fly so fast and low but when we could, man it was fun! I knew as well as everyone else we were doing this for a reason, training ourselves to be the best so we could be sent out to fight at a moment’s notice, but I had to admit, getting paid for this was one heck of a job!

Another pair of planes came into view and we got closer, seeing the lack of red anywhere and a voice cut in, this time not one I was so familiar with yet. “Nothing yet guys, we’ll head further east, you take the north. Tiny out.” The pair rolled and were lost in the clouds, “Rodger that, good luck,” I replied.

Berthold Hoover, call sign Tiny seemed like a gentle giant from what I could see so far. I liked him. He’d been teamed up with Reiner and their personalities I guessed would be a good match. I could tell that being paired up with Connie as a wingman had taken up most of Reiner’s patience quota whenever we were out on training.

We took off then too, I went ahead and heard a playful growl in my ear that I had to admit went straight to my groin, even if I _knew_ I should be concentrating, but I knew how Jean liked to always be in lead position and though I was well in my rights to take it for a while, I eased up a little and let him pass, grinning to myself and shaking my head at him.

Another few minutes and I spotted it. A flash of red through the clouds. “Ten oh clock Rocket,” I called out and banked left aiming to go round their side and provide distraction so Jean could take them out. It was a strategy we’d near perfected over the last year of flight together. I heard his acknowledgement and got in position.

We were spotted and the fight ensued. All four of us picked up speed and were making turns, climbing and diving again and fighting to get a lock on each other. My heart rate picked up and I was buzzing, senses heightened. I was directly behind one of the planes, I’d spotted Armin through the cockpit with his name on his helmet ‘Rainman’ and grinned to myself because that meant Jean had Jeager to take down. Or the other way depending on how this panned out. Tonight would be interesting either way!

I managed to get the jet in my sights, was about to press the trigger, “so long Rainman, nice meeting you!” I said and heard Reiner’s beefy laugh in my ear when “what the fuck?”

My own missile detection indicator went off and I stared at it dumbly, not having seen anyone else in the area.

“Freckles, what is it?”

I rolled quickly taking evasive action to avoid the hit and dived, the force pinning me back as I descended so quickly and rolled again, to the right this time and then pulled back to climb almost vertically. The extremes in G force were going to take their toll I knew but that damn Hawk was still on my tail. I growled loudly and I could hear confusion coming over the radio. I was in no position to answer though, too concerned with shaking off this damn thing and determined not to crash out on my first manoeuvre.

Whoever this was though was good. _Real_ good and I was having a hard time of it, any moment now I thought they would press the button and I would be dead. I wasn’t giving in easily though and tried hard not to let them get me fully in their sights enough to end my time in the air.

“Who the fuck is that?!” I heard coming through but just gritted my teeth in yet another three sixty roll and shot out of it. I didn’t know who it was anyway even if I could answer.

Another bone aching climb and I knew I couldn’t keep this up for much longer, my fuel was going to be low soon at this rate. Then again, I thought, so must theirs be so I just hung on in there, a low moan of frustration being all the noise I could manage.

“Holy Fuck!” That was Jean again and I looked up just in time to see the grey plane with the red tips that had been behind me for the last death defying ten minutes shoot past and off into the blue, looking at my compass quickly, out towards the North Sea.

I forced my aching hand to ease up and the Hawk slowed, the horizon levelled and I could breathe again. Only to have my voice catch in my throat before I could say anything as I saw another jet shoot off in the same direction, this one with no red.

“Rocket! Where the Hell are you going?!” I shouted when I realised what was going on. The stupid idiot was following them! I went to go after him when my fuel warning went off, a flashing red light on the console and I knew I was running on reserves. I had no option to turn about with a loud growl and head back to base.

“Get your ass back here!” I yelled, knowing he wouldn’t listen but unable to do anything else.

“What’s going on over there?” That was Reiner.

“He’s taken off after someone who was locked on me, but I’m out of fuel, I need to get back to base,” I told him, “we’re already about a hundred clicks out, Rocket, what’s your fuel status?”

“Enough,” was the reply we got back and I growled, I knew Jean, he would use all he could if he was focused on something like this.

“Don’t do it,” I warned him, “Hiechou’ll have you, it’s not worth it.”

“They’re too fast!” he called back, “God fucking damnit just...!”

 

\-------------------------------

 

“I don’t give a flying fuck if that was Satan himself and you were the messenger sent from God to take him out today Kirschtein! Those are not your planes out there and we do not pay you to take liberties and risk lives with your reckless attitude you shitty brat! What reasons do you have for what happened today? This better be good or you’re grounded until further notice! I know your record and this isn’t the first time you’ve done this. You were warned to change your behaviour or you’d be out!”

I stood eyes facing forward and trying not to wince as Heicheou ripped jean a new one next to me. We’d been called straight in as soon as we’d landed and I’ll be honest, I didn’t have the slightest what had happened beyond someone trying to take me down and Jean losing his head again. I’d landed with not more than another ten minutes’ worth of fuel left in the reserves and Jean had been a good five minutes after me in landing. Sure a few of the others had been back in similar timings but they hadn’t burned through so much as we had in manoeuvres.

“Sir I believe that was an unknown aircraft out there and I wanted to confirm and find out who it was.” I turned my head to stare at Jean with wide eyes at the new information. He looked deadly serious and looked Levi dead in the eye when he spoke. The short man gave a ‘tch’ and turned his attention on me. I straightened my expression instantly.

“This true Bodt? Were you attempting to out manoeuvre an unknown out there?”

I took a moment to answer. “I don’t know sir.” I received a blank expression. “I mean sir, I thought it was one of ours, they had the red tips, but I don’t know who it was.” I had assumed the unknown person would have been known by everyone as soon as we landed and that all this would be was a simple, though painful, discipline session for Jean with me there to report facts. Sure not everyone had been in the air today from the squad but for Jean to think this was  _non British?_

Jean spoke up again. “It wasn’t one of ours,” he said, “the markings were similar but not identical. I had to come back before I could confirm but I suspect they weren’t British.”

There was silence in the office. I wondered what the hell was happening and my brain fizzed with thinking about what this could be.

Heichou put one hand to his head and shook it, ‘tch’ing again and going to take a seat behind his desk now, pulling pen and paper. “Kirschtein sit,” he commanded, “Bodt dismissed. I’ll expect a full report from you first thing on my desk.”

I nodded, shot a quick glance at Jean who was still pale and serious but he met my eyes and I saw his lips give the smallest of smiles as I turned and left the room, a sigh of relief leaving me as I closed the door behind me with a small ‘click’ and made the slow walk back to my room, intending on taking a long shower and finding a meal.

 

\--------------------------------

 

“I’m telling you! That wasn’t one of ours!” Jean had a beer in one hand and a group of men gathered round him at the table we occupied in the pub that evening, going over _again_ what had happened that morning. I sat there nursing my own and only answering stuff when I was asked, because I really didn’t know anything anyway.

Though neither did Jean, not that it was stopping him from talking.

“Who the fuck was it then?” I looked up as Eren demanded to know, “you think you know horse-face? What conspiracy theory you cooking up? And why would they be after Freckles here? He’s no-one special.”

I rolled my eyes at him. “I doubt very much they were after me, whoever it was,” I said tiredly, “I was probably just picked at random. For whatever reason they had to come here in the first place.”

“Well it’s a good job you know some fancy moves because I’m betting _their_ missiles weren’t simulated if that wasn’t one of our boys.”

I looked up at that and froze with my beer midway to my lips. _Holy shit. That could actually be true…_

Eren’s face was a picture of smug as he saw us all realise he was right and I glanced about, seeing both confusion and some fear in the squad. Connie looked pale and sat down heavily where Armin gave him a pat on the shoulder. “Dude, you could have died,” he said quietly.

I don’t know what my own face was doing but Jean looked at Eren, lip curling and slammed down his drink on the table as he scraped his chair back. I made to get up quickly, fearing another fight but he held his hand out palm facing me and I stopped.

In fact he didn’t say anything. Just stood with an expression I was struggling to read staring at the other for a full minute in complete silence, no-one breaking it, before turning and walking out. We all watched him leave and there was a collective sigh of relief as some of the tension left. Not all though seeing as we still had a bogie to worry about that may or may not be hostile…and after this morning I was going with the latter.

 

\--------------------------------

 

“Jean?” I approached him carefully, unsure of how he’d take company right now as I stepped outside into the cool spring air. He was standing leaning against the wall, hands in pockets and one leg bent, just staring up at the sky.

I admit it, despite everything I still had my breath catch in my throat and had to swallow and take a deep breath when I saw him like that. Sometimes being around him was enough, I took the friendship and treasured it and was content with my lot. Sometimes though all I wanted to do was claim his lips as mine and do many many other things that hurt to think about. Tonight was the latter. I think I was probably just craving comfort, well, maybe that wasn’t all, but I had to forcibly still my feet from going over and stood just a bit away, feeling awkward.

He didn’t even look at me and I was about to turn and go when he pushed back from the wall and came over, wrapping his arms round me in a sudden tight hug that left me breathless and shocked. He mumbled something into my neck that I couldn’t quite catch and I awkwardly put my own arms around him in return, heart hammering and hoping to God he didn’t pick up on it and ask why.

“It’s okay,” I started, trying to soothe whatever was wrong with him, “it doesn’t matter that you didn’t catch them, let the higher-ups worry about it.”

He pulled back and looked at me fiercely and I baulked slightly under his gaze. “J-Jean? I know you like to always be the best but -”

“You could have been killed Marco!” he cut me off, “whoever that bastard was was _trying to kill you!_ I don’t know what I’d have…” he stopped and pulled me against his chest again and now I was glad he had, because I couldn’t help the fat tears that rolled down my face.

“They didn’t though,” I managed in a quiet voice, “I’m still here. We’ll catch them Jean, it’s alright.” I stood trying to comfort my best friend. Confused and upset and for once not trying to wish away deviant thoughts. I wasn’t sure why he’d reacted so strongly but for now that didn’t matter and I just hoped to God this was a one off incident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! I had thought of having more happen but I think this was enough for this chapter. Suffice to say I have much more planned!
> 
> Once again, yes this is a shameless Top Gun AU but I'm changing quite a fair chunk so don't assume you know what's going to happen ;)
> 
> Thank you for reading and I appreciate all feedback. If you wish to find me then my Tumblr is Tilperiel


	3. The curse of tequila

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys are on leave and taking some time off, but Marco is a lightweight and really shouldn't be drinking...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly if you don't know the awesome cheesiness of the song in the car then [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NoA89ACTflk) is what you've been missing out on.
> 
> Secondly [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hLQCA2h8kA) is the song that is referenced at the beginning
> 
> I intended for something else to happen here but that will wait for chapter 4 now and it also looks like I'll be needing to write Jean's POV soon too. 
> 
> Enjoy!

_If there's a lot on your mind it's there to help you forget,_

_To relax and rewind and leave behind the regret,_

_First sip makes you well before you know it it's time,_

_And you're saying to hell with the salt, lemon and lime,_

_Salt, lemon and lime, time Tequila,_

_That's the curse of Tequila....._

 

_\--------------------------------------_

 

Looking at the central dash and I made a mental calculation, “hey guys? Gonna have to stop for fuel at the next services. Just letting you know.” There were some grunts in acknowledgement and a “need to take a piss anyway,” from Connie. I smiled and kept my eyes on the road, flicking up the indicator to switch lanes and overtake another caravan that was moving along in the inside lane.

It was mid-summer and looked like we were actually _shock horror_ getting at least some of one this year. It’d been sunny for most of the past couple of weeks and having some leave coming up was an absolute God-send, more of a miracle too that it came whilst it was still nice, fate usually decreed it piss it down as soon as you weren’t working in this country.

Over the last few months things has settled down somewhat in the base. The four of us who’s joined earlier in the year had found our places in the rest of the squad, friendships had formed and it seemed that whatever it was that had happened in that first manoeuvre with the unknown hadn’t repeated itself, so it’d been mostly forgotten by now. We kind of figured that if it’d been something we needed to worry about someone would have said something, though if it was that much of a big deal, yeah. We wouldn’t hear jack shit anyhow. So why worry about it?

So now a good few of us found ourselves with two weeks off and what had we decided to do with our freedom? A suggestion was made that we find some cheap deals and head to the med but we couldn’t decide on anywhere from the ones we’d found that we all liked and anyhow, we couldn’t have gone for more than a few days at best. Sure this was free time but we weren’t civilians. We knew that we could be called back to base at a moment’s notice and we needed to be within a couple of hours of getting back to do that. Price you paid when you took the position. It did mean at least that seeing as it paid well you could put most of it in savings. Good thing really when you knew most people discharged before they even hit middle age. Flying fighter jets for a living took a massive strain on your body and often your mental wellbeing too. It was a young man’s job.

What we had decided on at last was the South Coast, or more precisely Newquay. I loved the place, dragged down to Cornwall for family holidays when I was a kid and I’d been back while I was at uni too. Full of young people but more laid back than most places. It had a good vibe to it. Plus I was secretly looking forward to showing off my skills with a surf board which I’d picked up fairly quickly when I’d been before. I knew I wasn’t fantastic, but I could stand at least and  stay upright for long enough that it felt pretty awesome.

And I totally wasn’t thinking about what Jean would look like in a wetsuit with his hair all muzzed from the sea. Nope. Not at all.

“Has anyone else got their iPod handy?” Jean was in the passenger seat and currently shuffling through the playlist on my iPod and making fun of my music taste. “Seriously dude, who listens to Travis anymore? And Coldplay? Really? Marco, I recon you’d get on well with my sister, she listens to depressing stuff too.”

“That’s just some of my old albums!” I complained, reaching to take it off him but he held it out of my grasp.

“Eyes on the road Freckles! I don’t wanna end up in the central reservation because you don’t want me to see that you listen to…Holy shit!” He cracked up laughing and snorts were sounding. I shot him a look, feeling my face heating up already and groaning internally on just what he’d found that was so bad. I could guess at a few things though to be honest. It’d been a mistake to let Jean take shotgun. Then again, it probably would have been the same with the others too.

“What?” Connie asked, leaning forward and Thomas sat beside him tried to look over the top. Not that there was much room and their heads were pressed up against the roof. I drove a Mini Cooper, an old classic, not one of the new ones (which I always pointed out to anyone who asked was _not_ a Mini!) and having the four of us there was just comfortable, though bags were travelling down with the car of our other friends seeing as there wasn’t even room for one in the miniscule boot on the thing.

“Oh man, Marco you’re such a girl!” Jean pressed play on the song he’d found and turned the volume up. I sank into my seat in utter shame as the intro started, though a big smile spread on my bright red face because really? I fucking loved this tune.

The car erupted in laughter as ‘I am the one and only’ belted out full blast and even though it was probably the cheesiest thing I would admit to owning  we were all belting it out as we headed down the M5, happy to not have anything else to be worrying about for a while and free, easy days ahead. 

 

\------------------------------

 

A couple of hours later and we were at the beach side hotel we’d booked up, slotting my small car into an end space and looking about we saw that Eren’s 3 Series BMW was already there. A big white and (in my opinion) obnoxious thing that was sat in the central space. There was a shout and we turned to see Reiner, Berthold, Eren and Armin all sat at a table under an umbrella with drinks in-front of them and an array of half eaten bowls of chips, chicken wings and various other foods at the hotel bar.

“What took you?” Eren called, “thought you’d broken down or something!”

“Nah, Marco’s car is a million years old is all.” I shot Connie a disgruntled look and he shrugged, “it’s still cool though. Like, retro cool.” I smiled at that and punched him on the shoulder.

We went over to join them, pulling over more chairs and all shifting round so there were now eight of us crammed round and a waitress came to take drinks orders. Beer and more food sorted and we settled back.

“Thought you’d have something more like a V dub camper,” Eren asked me.

“Nah, those things cost a fortune in upkeep and aren’t practical,” I returned.

“Oh because your car is _so_ much more practical and never breaks down? You spend every other weekend covered in grease from working on it.”

“She’s sensitive! Needs care and attention.” There were sniggers and I had to relent and laugh too, shifting to one side as my drink was placed before me and I took a long pull, sighing at the bitter taste and needed refreshment.

“Still, too small for me,” Eren said, sitting back, “I like something that shows a bit more presence, if you know what I mean.” Armin rolled his eyes next to him.

“Sure, to make up for lack of it elsewhere,” Jean laughed, “we all know what the size of a man’s car says about him…” Eren pressed his lips together and frowned at Jean and I had to laugh along with everyone else, even though it looked like there were going to be more than a few spats between the pair to deal with whilst we were here.  I caught Jean’s eye and he gave me a smug grin, “so… a Mini then Marco…?” He raised a brow and I _swear_ glanced at my lap.

God-damn! Why did I have to blush so easily! I could feel the heat in my cheeks _again_ from Jean’s teasing and spluttered into my beer, everyone else laughing.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” I countered, going for cocky to cover up my embarrassment and I was more than a little bit surprised to see Jean’s cheeks pinking in return. I raised a brow at him in silent question but he looked away, picking up his glass and taking a wing to eat.  

“Something to share with the ladies while we’re here? Don’t worry Jean, if there’s a sock on the door when we get back one evening you can bunk in with us,” Reiner chipped in and waggled his brows over the table at us, Bertl looking embarrassed next to him. We were all sharing twin rooms whilst we were here, it was cheaper than singles.

I said nothing, shrugging and offering a small smile and a ‘yeah, sure’ back, knowing that wasn’t going to happen and my mood dropping slightly. Glancing at the blond to my side and I wondered what the look was that crossed Jean’s face but the conversation moved on and after a while we all relaxed for the afternoon into cheerful banter, slowly getting happy-drunk, eating rubbish and letting ourselves unwind.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------

 

At some point we’d gone to check in, grabbing bags from the boot of Eren’s car and taking them up to our rooms, dumping them on the beds.  Heading back there now to change for the evening so we could go out, eat more, drink more and find somewhere to do some approximation of dancing and I firstly collapsed down on the single that I’d claimed for the week and groaned loudly as my aching muscles found some rest.

“What’s the matter with you? Had enough already lightweight?”

I turned my face from the pillow to crack an eye at Jean who was rooting through his bag to find a shirt, shaking it out to free it from the worst of the creases before taking the one he was wearing off. I was staring I realised, probably too much, but being as I’d had at least three pints by now I couldn’t find it in myself to care. If I was going to go through self-imposed celibacy at least I could give myself something to think about in my ‘alone time’.

Yep. I was the creeper who jacked of to thoughts of his best friend. I wasn’t proud of the fact but it wasn’t like I was able to stop either. Feelings didn’t work that way. Unfortunately.

“Nope, just think my body’s finally giving up now that I’m letting it for a bit,” I told him, tearing my gaze away as Jean went to change his khaki shorts for dark denim jeans for the night. Starring at his abs was one thing, even half cut I knew seeing his ass would not be the best idea.

“If you wanted to stop here no-one would mind,” he offered, “I could keep you company if you like? I brought my laptop, we could watch a movie or something?”

He sounded sincere enough but I sighed and turned over, hauling myself up and over to my own clothes, starting to get ready too. “Don’t worry, I’ll manage,” I told him, “maybe another night, thanks for the offer though. “ As tempting as that sounded I doubted it would do either of our reputations in the squad much good. I was already on shaky foundations and had to keep my guard up, I wasn’t about to do anything to put Jean in that position too. I doubted he’d even thought about what the other guys would think if we just blew them off for a cosy movie night. Fortunately I thought about the consequences of pretty much everything I did with him, so that covered both of our asses.

Buttoning up my shirt and I went to sort out my hair in front of the mirror on the dressing stand and Jean appeared behind me. I felt a sharp tug on the back of my shirt and I jumped about half a mile, looking up at him sharply in the mirror.

“Your shirt was tucked in,” he told me.

“O-okay,” I replied and watched him turn to go with a small smirk on his face.

I finished with my hair quickly and left too, meeting the others in the small lobby and going out. It was warm enough not to need jackets and we were all in short sleeves. I noticed that predictably Reiner’s shirt was at least a size too small and his bulging arms were tight round the fabric. I chuckled to myself and caught Bertl’s glance, seeing the tall man’s eyes widening and looking away quickly. I frowned in slight confusion but shrugged. I didn’t know him that well yet anyway, he seemed really shy compared to the rest of us but he’d made fast friends already with the burly blond. 

We headed out up the sea-front, there were a good few places that looked decent though we did get some less than welcoming looks from some of the door staff. I couldn’t blame them.  Even if we weren’t out to cause any trouble I’d be a bit suspicious if it was me too and eight guys showed up who definitely looked like they could handle themselves.  In the end we decided to split up when we were turned away from one bar on the excuse that is was ‘full’ even though it clearly wasn’t.

Reiner and Bertl headed off in the direction we’d just come from and Thomas decided to join them. That left Eren and Jean shooting looks at each other but seeing as I was chatting with Armin and neither seemingly wanted to go off without their wing-man we ignored the pair of them and took the initiative, deciding that the Beach bar looked good enough and going in.

“Five tequila’s!” Connie’s voice could be heard from where we’d sat over-looking the beach and I groaned earning a snicker from Eren and Armin just folded his arms.

“I’m not drinking that stuff,” he said, “it makes me sick every time.”

“I’ll have yours,” Eren shrugged, patting the blond’s back.

“It makes you sick too!” Armin shot back.

“Shut up does not! I could drink any of you under the table.”

I looked helplessly at Armin who was shaking his head. We both knew what was coming. Jean and Eren had already been posturing for months and I knew that this was going to get messy.

“Guys,” I complained, “it’s our first night here. Can this at least wait until-“

“You’re on!” Jean cut me off and I growled under my breath, completely unnoticed by any except Armin who patted my arm in consolation. Or resignation.

The shots were set down by a grinning Connie on a round tray, complete with a set of lemon wedges and a small cellar of salt. “Who’s game?” he asked with a grin and I sat back to watch the madness unfold.

I took the salt, licked the back of my hand and sprinkled some on, “come on then,” I shrugged and picked up a shot glass to a look from Armin. I necked it back, hissing at the burn, licking the salt and sucking a lemon slice. There was a whoop from my bald friend and a cackle from Eren.

Well if you can’t beat them join them…

 

\--------------------------------------------------------

 

 

The first thing I noticed was that there was light on the back of my eyelids. The second was the sharp and unpleasant undertone of vomit that I could smell. _Strange…I don’t remember being sick…_

I lay there for a while feeling heavy, my head thick and thoughts slow. Blinking my eyes open and I stared up at the white artexed ceiling above the bed, getting my bearings and remembering that I was in the hotel in Newquay and not in my room on base. Looking to the side and I could see that the bed next to mine was empty. The sheets in a messy heap and their owner no-where to be seen. Vaguely I wondered where Jean was, listening for the sound of the shower or taps running in the en-suite and hearing nothing. I turned to the digital clock on the bedside table, letting out a loud groan as the movement caused a shooting pain through my temples and saw it was ten thirty already.

Shit. Missed breakfast.

My mouth tasted disgusting and clicking my tongue a few times I decided I had to move, sitting up and moaning again as this time my stomach joined my head in protesting. Doubled over and I stood, took a good few gasping breaths and stumbled my way into the bathroom. Like the dreadful lightweight that I am I decided that I didn’t care if Jean did come back and see me, I sat down to take a piss with my head between my knees, not even enough energy to kick the door closed. No doubt I looked by then as bad as I felt, the effects of a night drinking God knows how much hitting me full force and I wondered what I’d done seeing as I couldn’t remember a damn thing past the first few shots.

Standing, boxers still round my ankles and I shuffled to the shower, managing to weakly switch it on and I stood leaning against the shower door, removing my underwear from round my feet by doing an awkward shuffle and waiting a minute for the water come through at the right temperature. Going in and I let it blast over me without actually making any movement once I had my hands braced against the wall, face down and eyes closed. 

Eventually though my stomach stopped churning enough that I could wash. The fruity sharp scent of the hotel shower gel cut through my senses and helped slightly and somehow I managed to finish up and even brush my teeth without gagging and sometime later I was sat on my bed with clean clothes and towel dried hair wondering if I could stomach a coffee. Jean still hadn’t re-surfaced and I assumed he was wherever the other guys were, though I didn’t know where that was either.

I looked about for my phone, realising I hadn’t a clue where it was. On hands and knees and I located my jeans from last night under the bed, fishing my phone from the pocket. I located my shirt with them and found the source of the obnoxious smell from earlier, wrinkling my nose and quickly shoving it in the sink and running the tap. I left it there, sodden and soiled and shutting the door I figured I’d deal with it later. I needed something to wake me up right now so I headed out.

Downstairs and I went out onto the patio bar of the hotel, flip-flops slapping on the decking and I pulled the sunglasses down from the top of my head as soon as the glare of the sun hit my sensitive eyes.

“There he is! How’s the head lover-boy? Get the man a coffee, make it a double shot!” Eren was calling to the waitress who was looking a combination of amused and harassed as the others laughed and waved me over to their table. I swallowed hard, feeling myself pale in anticipation of what horror stories I was about to hear.

“Do I even want to know?” I groaned as I sat with my elbows on the table and took my aviators off to put my hands over my face. 

“Don’t remember anything? Not even all the kissing?”

I removed my hands to stare with a look of horror at Connie who just shrugged and sat back with his hands behind his head and eyes closed beneath his shades.  “Dude don’t sweat it, we’ve all been there. Beer goggles and all that. Or in your case tequila goggles.”

No. He had to be kidding. I looked about with a pleading expression and got various smirks and shrugs from everyone else.

“Don’t ask me, I wasn’t there,” Reiner commented, “shame I missed it though. Sounds like fun.” Bertl gave him a smack and I just hid in my hands again.

The waitress turned up with my coffee then, placing it before my nose and I peeked up at her with a weak smile. She returned it with a ‘hope that helps!’ and I sat up a little, picking up the mug with both hands and blowing across the surface before taking a sip.

“Give it to me then, what did I do?” I asked in the tone of a man walking to his execution. I noticed then that Jean was conspicuously absent and wondered where he’d gotten to.

“It wasn’t so bad,” Armin spoke up in that quiet voice of reassurance he had and I felt a little bit of hope creeping in that maybe I could get away without hearing that I’d been a complete prat.

“First there was the impromptu karaoke,” I groaned loudly and there were sniggers, “don’t worry, you weren’t the only one!” he reassured me quickly.

“And at least you can carry a tune. Unlike horse-face!” Eren chipped in and laughed. I pouted at him. I knew for a fact Jean could sing pretty well seeing as I’d hauled him to an open-mic night once and he’d made a decent rendition of ‘Yesterday’. I ignored the comment and turned back to Armin, eyes begging him to tell me the rest wasn’t as bad either.

Armin was turning a bit pink though and I looked down into the depths of my black coffee. I had a feeling I didn’t want to hear any more.

“Then we all went dancing in some club and we lost you for a while and next thing -” Armin started but was cut off by Eren.

“Next thing was Connie here comes running over to tell us you were sucking face with someone and that it looked like a dude!” He cracked up and there were some chuckles from others, though not nearly as many as I’d have thought from that particular revelation.

I didn’t dare look up. I could feel how hot my face was and I also knew my vision had gone all blurry. No damn way was I looking up and crying in front of everyone so I hid in my hands again and practiced breathing deeply.

_Shit shit shit shit. Blame the drink! Blame anything! Fucking hell you’ve got to get yourself out of this one!_

In my own defence I could certainly blame the drink without lying about anything seeing as I couldn’t remember any of this actually happening. Hell, I could have been kissing the hottest guy on the planet and I still wouldn’t remember! It was a shame I couldn’t, I thought bitterly, I might have at least got a nice memory out of it seeing as I had the hangover and teasing anyway.

“Urgh. Tell me you’re joking,” I complained, voice muffled in my hands still and I peeked out between my fingers to see Armin shaking his head with an apologetic look and Eren still laughing.

“We gonna have to start watching out in the locker rooms for you now Freckles? Or is it just when you’re drunk and then anything with a pulse? Didn’t see you as the type.”

I could feel all of the blood draining from my face and my heart sinking. If I felt sick before it was worse now and I very slowly took my hands down to stare across at Thomas who’s spoken, sniggering to himself and didn’t know what to say. Yeah he was joking, clearly, but it wasn’t funny. I dreaded anyone finding out I was gay for this exact reason. Guys who took the piss and thought it was funny to make smart mouthed comments that made you feel like a speck of dirt. Not only that, I didn’t see Thomas as that kind of person but I knew a few who might be. The ones who waited till you were on your own to land a punch where it wouldn’t be seen. All that ran through my head as I sat not saying a damn word and just sighed, shoulders slumping and picked up my coffee.

“Shut your fucking ugly mouth Broadside.” I felt a hand on my shoulder and flinched at the venom in the voice, twisting round to look and wincing at the pain it caused in my fragile head. I knew it was Jean but I was surprised all the same.

For whatever reason he wouldn’t meet my gaze though, staring steadily at Thomas and Eren and daring them to say anything else. Both clammed up, Eren looking like he wanted to carry on but a glare from Armin and eyebrow raise from Reiner soured his expression and he picked up his phone and started flicking through instead.

I felt Jean squeeze my shoulder and I let out a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding as he removed his hand and pulled out the seat next to me and sat. I glanced to the side, sipping at my cooling coffee and he flicked a look at me then turned away to speak with Connie. I’d opened my mouth to say something but closed it again feeling foolish and wondering what was going on with him and where he’d been, but looked like I’d have to ask later. At least it seemed I was out of the spotlight for now and conversation moved on to other antics as I started to breathe again. 

 

 

\-----------------------------------------------------

 

A dose of ibuprofen and a few glasses of orange juice later and I was lay on the beach half dozing with my headphones in, volume on low and Led Zeppelin dulling my senses for me when I sensed another body land in the sand not so far away. I grunted in acknowledgement of them being there and turned to open my eyes to see who it was.

Jean was sat on a towel, knees pulled up under his chin and arms wrapped round his calves. He was looking out across at everyone around us and the sea below with an expression I couldn’t quite read. I studied him for a bit before saying anything. He seemed angry over something, though I didn’t know what, though something else told me he was upset too.

“Hey,” I spoke up quietly, “everything alright?” Pushing myself up to sitting and I took my headphones out, switching my ipod off and tucking it under my shorts out of the sun.

Reaching out and I put my hand on Jean’s arm lightly and he shook it off like I’d burned him. I jumped in surprise and mimicked his position, curling my arms round myself and suddenly worried about what was going on.

He turned to look at me with wide amber eyes and a set jaw. I looked back, eyes sweeping over artfully tousled hair and angular features, lips in a little pout that I knew well by now. He was so handsome it hurt and I really wished right then that it could have been Jean I’d been kissing last night and that I could have at least _some_ memory of it.

I sighed and looked away from him. _Fucking hell, you really have to stop thinking like this!_ Yeah. No more drinking too it seemed.

“Marco…” I looked up and jean was biting at his lip, worrying on it and I cocked my head a little.

“Marco…about last night…”

I held my hand up to him, “Jean no. I don’t wanna talk about it. It was embarrassing enough when the other guys told me what happened, I don’t need the lectures.” The last thing I wanted was Jean questioning me on why I was kissing a guy. No way was I talking to him about it now. No fucking chance.

“Told you? You don’t remember it?” He looked…surprised? Confused?

“No. I don’t remember anything after a couple of drinks,” I admitted and sighed deeply.

“Oh.”

I dug my toes into the sand over the edge of my towel, feeling awkward and uncomfortable talking about this with him. I couldn’t read him for a change, usually he was pretty easy too. Jean was as honest as they came and I could see there was something eating at him but it didn’t seem like he was going to spill.

I opened my mouth to ask when Connie and Armin came over, grinning and holding body boards. “You two coming in?” they asked enthusiastically, “come on, you’ve both been boasting about your skills since we booked to come!”

I looked up and smiled, actually glad of the distraction and poked Jean’s leg with a sandy foot. “Come on you,” I told him, “we’ve got some waves to catch.” I got up and held my hand out to help him up before bending to grab my stuff to go and get changed.

“Sure. I’ll catch you up.” I looked at Jean and he was smiling again. I smiled back.

“See you in the water!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! I'm not sure I'll be able to keep updating once a week but I'm fairly happy with how this is going so far. I might start working on Jean's POV soon as I know there's a chunk missing here xD
> 
> As usual you can find me [here](http://tilperiel.tumblr.com/) if you would like to contact me/poke me for stuff/give constructive feedback etc
> 
> (oh and I've been told this is very British - which is true and I make no apology for seeing as there's so much American stuff out there! - but if people don't get anything give me a shout and I'll gladly explain)
> 
> thank you all for reading!


	4. Dream Catch Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little surfing, Thomas is a dick, Connie meets someone and Jean and Marco? 
> 
> Well...

“Woo! Nice of you to join us!” Connie wolf whistled and laughed as he waded out of the water with a body board under one arm and I turned to see Jean coming towards us with one hand raised and a full length surf board under the other arm.

I will admit it now, my jaw dropped and the speed that I could feel the heat infusing my cheeks was incredible, even in the cold water. I held my own board to the side, flat against the water where it bobbed in the waves that were washing in and watched too, snapping my mouth shut when he met my gaze and I looked away quickly like a kid that’d been caught with his hand in the biscuit tin.

I was wearing a rash vest with my board shorts and wet shoes too, not that I was a wimp or anything but we were in Newquay here remember, not on Bondi Beach and though it was warm and sunny the sea was still cold and there were goosebumps on my arms where they were uncovered and water clung to them.

Jean however wasn’t, which is why I hope I can be forgiven for staring. I mean, even a straight guy would have had to admit if asked that he had a great physique. He was perhaps a little leaner built than I was, not so broad chested, but he made up for it with being really well toned and sporting an impressive six-pack too, a little less tanned than myself, just a difference in natural toning. I absently wished I had my sunglasses on so I could have stared a bit longer before shaking the thoughts away and mentally slapping myself. Not. Helpful.

“You’re going to freeze,” I told him when he was closer and threw him a smile, trying to act naturally.

“I’ll warm up quick enough,” he returned and shot me a smile of his own and I saw him looking me over before gazing out to sea, “looks like I’ll have a decent work out with the waves today.” Which was true. I hadn’t gone in yet but the waves were pretty high, perfect for surfing. I watched one roll in, curling at the top and the white foam crashing down on the beach and running back, mind drifting and wondering at the look I’d just been given, before I heard a shout and turned.

“Fucking hell! Jesus wept I’m gonna freeze my balls off!” I laughed loudly and could hear Connie and Eren laughing too further along.

“Better get moving then!” I suggested and began wading further in.

“Want to make this interesting Freckles?” he asked from a few metres away.

“How so?”

“I bet you wipe out more than I do.” He set the challenge with a smug shit-eating grin.

“Oh yeah? Challenge accepted, though what are we betting?” I smirked back, unsure of just which one of us _would_ win seeing as we didn’t exactly get much chance at seeing one another surf when we were stationed in the UK.

“Looser buys the drinks tonight.”

“You’re on.” I glanced behind me and could see that our friends were back on the beach watching as we headed out and felt a stab of nerves. I knew I wasn’t _that_ good and would probably make a tit of myself by crashing out more often than not, but even if I did lose it was only a few drinks. Nothing serious.

Once I was in deep enough I pushed myself up onto the board facing the shore line. Sneaking a glance to the left and I could see Jean doing the same, readying ourselves for the next decent wave. Leaning forward and I paddled slowly towards the beach until I began to feel a wave carrying me forward. Bracing myself and I quickly gripped the board, bringing my feet into position and made ready to stand. I concentrated hard, the buzz beginning to take over and when the wave began its swell I stood and with knees bent and arms out to balance I did my best to keep the board just ahead of the break, already able to feel that this was a decent sized one and the adrenaline kicked in, making me grin.

The board picked up speed as the wake hit its peak and I laughed loudly though it was drowned out mostly in the rushing of the sea, the euphoria of the moment making me a little giddy and then before I knew it the water crashed down and the board slowed as I neared the shore and wobbling a little I managed to flop sideways into the water with as much grace as I could manage before coming up for air. I quickly pushed my bangs out of my eyes and reached to grab my board before turning round. I looked immediately for Jean and caught sight of him in the water further along, also grappling with his board and looking smug.

I gathered he’d managed to catch the wave too and I grinned over as he shook his wet hair free from his eyes and wished I could have watched.

Over on the beach I could see Armin with his camera out and he grinned and waved when I caught his eye, lifting my own hand to wave back. Oh well, at least Rainman would have enough shots for me to look at after, maybe I could get him to send me some? That wouldn’t be creepy right…or suspicious? Eh, well as long as I was in some too I figured I could get away with it.

Turning again and I headed back out into the sea, trying to run through the waves with by board on the surface, ready to go again. This wasn’t exactly something I got to spend much time doing and I forgot how much I enjoyed it each time I came back. I could quite happily have seen myself as a lazy beach bum just travelling and surfing in another life…but who was I kidding! I wasn’t exactly the long haired surfer-dude type. There were enough of them in the town, sporting flip-flops even in the evening bars and beaded necklaces and bracelets. And sure…I couldn’t say I hadn’t noticed a few with more lingering looks than perhaps I should have if I wanted to keep my preferences on the low down, but who could blame me?

One swift glance to the side to see if my own ( _my own?! Man I had to stop thinking like that)_ blond surfer was also back out and I spotted he was, looking intently forward and not at me. Figures. Turning again when I was at a good distance and it started the whole thing again. Catch a wave, get on the board, stand and ride it out to shore. Rinse and repeat.

I did wipe-out on more than a few occasions, a few waves not big enough really to surf and making me not able to balance.  A few miss-timed attempts and standing throwing me off. Each I knew was likely being captured diligently by the blond with his camera trained on us and I knew that it would be a source of entertainment later. Not that I minded in the slightest.

I wasn’t sure how long it’d been but after a while I could feel my muscles starting to burn and as I fell into the water after the last ride I pulled my now seemingly much heavier board back out and up the beach to collapse down beside the others.

“Hey Marco, that was awesome! You can really pull some moves man!” Connie was looking suitably impressed and a blush worked its way onto my already flushed features from the exertion, though I was kind of proud too. I’d spent almost every summer holiday in the county as a kid and surfing was something I’d done practically every day that I’d been allowed.

“Thanks,” I grinned and settled to watch the people still in the water, realising instantly that Jean was still one of them and sitting back on my hands to watch.

I could feel my heart thudding a little as the toned body pushed up off the board and arms went out to the sides. I knew I was staring but seeing as the others were too I thought I could get away with it. I was a little far out to see his expression but could guess. The concentration there, the little frown between his brows and lips set in a thin line, jaw taught. I swallowed as I let my imagination fill in the details I couldn’t see and watched him set his balance as the wave took him, carrying the board he was on quickly as it rushed to the shoreline and broke, throwing it’s rider off as Jean crashed off and into the surf at the end.

I looked up at a laugh and realised Connie, Armin and Eren had carried on talking and I’d missed the whole conversation.

“What do you think Marco?” Armin asked.

“Umm…” I looked suitably flustered and hoped they’d not call me out on why I’d been so zoned out. “Sorry, guess I’ve got sand in my ears or something…” I made a show of rubbing one, knowing it was a weak excuse and chuckling over my embarrassment.

“We were just wondering where to go for dinner,” Armin said, “just find somewhere and stay out after?”

“Sounds good to me,” I replied, “I’m easy.”

“We know that,” Eren started, “after last night! Maybe Jean needs a spare key to our room Armin just in case Freckles hooks up?” He laughed loudly and I knew I was blushing hard, but with chagrin as much as anything else. I whined softly hiding my face and Armin put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed lightly whilst scolding Eren. I was grateful, not really needing the reminder.

I was still hiding my face when there was a loud wolf whistle from my other side and I looked up to see a big cheesy grin on Connie’s face as he watched a group of girls in skirts and bikini tops walk up the beach with their bags and stuff. A couple giggled when they looked our way and started whispering to one another, which of course had Connie running over, no-doubt to give them some not-so great chat up lines. I’d seen him in action before, using his profession to pick up girls with varying amounts of success. He seemed to have attracted a brunette with a ponytail who was laughing loudly at something he’d said and I chuckled as I watched him for a moment and then turned back to the view of the water in front of me, wishing my life could just be that easy, as a tired but pumped looking Jean carried his board back up the beach.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Another round!” Jean called out and I laughed whilst shaking my head, getting up to go to the bar.

“Sure sure, how about you come give me a hand this time instead of watching me have to make two trips?” I was already getting up and reaching for my wallet out of my back pocket.

Seems I’d lost earlier, even though I hadn’t actually wiped out that many times but I _had_ gotten out of the water way before Jean had so _technically_ it was true. We’d watched the replays of some of our session on Armin’s camera, which it turned out he’d been using on record function instead of taking photos. All the better. Watching on the small playback screen as he’d focused on first me riding a wave with a zoom in on a massive cheesy grin and then over to Jean as he stood and balanced, cutting a fine figure through the spray and a look of utter concentration on his face and all muscles. I had to look away before anything embarrassing happened…but afterwards I’d asked Armin as casually as I could if he’d e-mail the footage over to me and he’d agreed. I was just a little suspicious of the look he’d given me and the over-bright smile, but I decided not to question it.

This evening we’d all decided on proper food instead of junk and I was grateful for the steak and potatoes lining my stomach instead of the handful of fries I’d had last night as I _might_ stand a chance of not getting so shit-faced again. Besides that I was hoping to stick to just the lager this evening, really not liking the thought of any more tequila in my system. That stuff was dangerous.

“So what’re we all doing tomorrow?” Thomas asked, “sticking round on the beach again?”

“Might as well take advantage of the spell of decent weather. Once it breaks we might not get any sun again until next year. Make the most of the two weeks of summer that we’re probably gonna get,” Jean laughed and made to get up to come to the bar with me.

“If you’re gonna live in England then you have to accept the shitty weather. If you don’t like it, move elsewhere horse-face, do us all a favour.” Eren was sour over something already and I hadn’t missed some of the looks that had passed between him and Jean when we’d all met up for food.

“What was that shit-stain?” Jean was half out of his seat already, fist curled and growling across the table, “no wing commander to help you this time. Wanna go?” I grabbed his arm and shouted at him to cool down.

Eren just laughed and sneered, “no, but you’ve got your boyfriend to keep you on your lead.”

“Mother fucker!” I had to strengthen my grip as he tried to swing at Eren, even though I could feel the heat in my face and felt the instinctive urge to let him go so it wouldn’t fuel rumours, which would have probably in hindsight have made it look more obvious not less.

“Save it horse-face, we both know you haven’t got the balls to do anything anyway, might as well calm your tits before you give Freckles there a heart attack.”

I shot him a glare and managed to drag Jean away and over to the bar to get the drinks that had been all but forgotten. Glancing at his expression and I elbowed him lightly when we were out of earshot of the others who were laughing and talking loudly at the table. I glanced back and saw Reiner smack Eren upside the head and chuckled because even he wasn’t stupid enough to piss Reiner off.

“What’re you two arguing about now?” I asked Jean and got a grunt in return as we leant on the bar and waited out turn to be served. “Uh huh, like that then.”

“He’s got a big mouth is all.”

“And that’s something new?”  I waited for Jean to speak, knowing he’d be grousing over whatever it was for a while if he didn’t get it off his chest.

“It’s nothing. He just thinks it’s alright to get all up in my business and then get pissy when I told him to mind his own. “

“So…can I ask what’s the matter or am I gonna get the same treatment…?” I glanced at Jean then up at the bar again, unsure of what the issue was still, “where were you last night?” I still hadn’t found out where he’d been and he hadn’t ventured to mention it. I felt my blood run cold as I was suddenly convinced it was because he’d hooked up and realised I didn’t want to know.

He didn’t answer right away, the sounds of the bar filling the silence and I waited, biting my lip in expectation of the inevitable and bracing myself for the impact.  It wasn’t like he’d never been with anyone in all the time we’d been friends, but still. I’d rather not have to hear about it. I preferred just to ignore it and pretend to myself, like the pathetic looser I was, that it never happened.

“Just…walking.”

I didn’t expect that. “All night? Alone?”

“Yeah.” Jean ran a hand through his blond hair and held his breath, letting it out slowly and glancing quickly at me and away. His cheeks were faintly pink and I wondered what he wasn’t telling me.

Opening my mouth to ask and I was interrupted by the guy behind the bar, “what’ll it be gents?” I gave him the order and the moment had passed. Jean just took three and headed back to the table and leaving me unable to quiz him any further. I followed him back, distributing drinks round and looking at him as he slipped into the cocky Jean that I was used to seeing in public, but I still wondered what was going on.

Soon I was pulled from my musings. “Anyone know where Connie is?” Bert asked quietly and I looked about when I realised that I hadn’t seen him since we’d left the beach earlier.

Thomas sniggered. “I think Roadrunner managed to get one of those girls he was playing grease-ball over earlier to agree to go out with him this evening. Must be blind or something, don’t know how I missed the white stick or the Labrador!”

Thomas, I was finding, was quickly becoming one of my least favourite people. Jaeger mouthing off was one thing, at least he kept his insults to the usual cursing and jabs. Thomas I realised however was bigoted. My fingers curled inwards involuntarily and I was about to say something when Reiner beat me to it.

“Yeah? Well seeing as he’s the one on a date with a pretty girl and you’re sat nursing a pint and looking all bitter about it then I wouldn’t be so quick to take the piss if I were you.“

I expected Thomas to back down then, most people didn’t get lippy when Reiner was on their case but Thomas just smirked. “Coming from you…does your opinion even count? How would you know a pr-“

“Stop. Now. “ Reiner growled and went from mother bear to angry daddy bear in an instant and I froze in place, noticing the other guys doing the same thing as we all watched.  Bert was sweating buckets and looked like he wanted to do a runner and Armin patted his arm. I was clueless to what was going on and my guess was from the look on people’s faces everyone else was too.

The two eyeballed each other and Thomas’s smirk changed to a sneer before he grabbed his jacket and stormed off. It took a minute or two of silence as we all avoided looking at Reiner and sipped our drinks before conversation started up again and we all collectively unclenched our asses. I looked over at the stocky blond and it seemed he was fine again, talking quietly with Bert who looked a little pale but the expression that Reiner had had that threatened to rip and tear had gone.

I decided to try to approach Jean again about our earlier conversation seeing as it was fairly noisy and I didn’t think anyone was listening.

“So, are you going to tell me what’s been eating at you recently?” I tried to look casual and open, not wanting to make it seem like an interrogation. He was my friend right? I was allowed to show concern.

“What do you mean?” He instantly looked guarded and I sighed touching his arm lightly and frowning when he pulled his away quickly.

“That,” I rose my brows and looked at his now folded arms, “for starters. And I don’t just mean asking about last night either. You’ve been...I don’t know. Off,” I gestured, “for a while. It’s like you’re one person when we’re all here and then as soon as I try to talk to you on your own you’re all moody again. I don’t get it. What did I do?”

Maybe I was being a bit self-centred thinking it had something to do with me but it honestly felt like that. It was making me miserable and I wanted to fix it but I didn’t even know what I’d done in the first place. “I miss just hanging out and having fun,” I told him, “what changed? I know we’ve all been training a lot harder in Trost than before but not _that_ much harder. Ever since that bogey showed up…”

Something clicked and I realised I might just have answered my own question. Jean’d been looking down into his drink before and now his amber gaze was on me, a frown between his brows and mouth set. My fingers itched to stroke along his jaw and to coax him into smiling, but I just bit my lip and looked away to try to avoid the blush that threatened from his intense expression.

“Marco, I’m sorry. I just,” I looked up at him again and he shrugged before his lips curved into the smallest of smiles, “I’m a dick? Yeah. That’s probably it. Don’t worry about it, you didn’t do anything.”  I’m not sure I believed him but made a non-committal noise and rolled my eyes, giving in and smiling back. I’d let him off (like I always did) and decided it was easier than picking at it for now.

 

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We all managed to relax and with the help of a few more pints have a decent enough time without any more fights starting. Thomas didn’t come back and there was no word from Connie so we figured he was having a good night without us.

By now we’d moved on and the place we were in had a karaoke night on. It didn’t take too long before we were egging each other on to go up whilst the latest victim was up on stage, singing a terrible rendition of ‘Can’t take my eyes off you’ of all things with who we all guessed was his girlfriend dying of embarrassment with her laughing friends. I flat out refused. It didn’t matter how much alcohol you poured in me, I doubt it would ever be enough to make me sing in front of people.

Jean however…

We all stood in front of the stage whilst he went up, spoke to the guy in charge of the music and went and grabbed the mic, only wobbling slightly and a big cheesy grin plastered on his reddened face. I saw Reiner whip out his phone and swipe at the screen to turn on the camera to record what was bound to be replayed for a long time to come and Eren doing the same. I laughed and sipped my drink as I waited to listen to whatever Jean had picked out to regale us with.

What I wasn’t expecting was the acoustic guitar chords that started up as I recognised the intro. When Jean closed his eyes and began in a low voice to sing, sounding much more sober than I’d expected my stomach did a flip and I had to remind myself to breathe. _Holy shit!_ I’d forgotten how good a voice he had.

_Every time, I close my eyes_

_It’s you_

_and I know now who I am_

_yea yea yea and I know now_

_There’s a place I go, when I’m alone_

_Be anyone I want, be anyone I wanna be_

_And it is us I see and I cannot believe I’m falling…_

I forced myself to watch, eyes glued on the figure on the little stage in the small bar and biting my lip hard enough for it to hurt. I wasn’t crying, there was just…dust in my eyes. Yeah…  He looked up just a few times and when I met his eyes I couldn’t hold his gaze.

_Dream catch me yeah_

_Dream catch me when I fall_

_Or else I won’t come back at all…_

The last strains died out and there was cheering from the small crowd that’d gathered. Jean put the mic back and instantly looked like he went back to being half drunk as he left the stage and re-joined our group. There was some light shoulder punching and back slapping as he took his drink back up and necked half down before turning to sling an arm over my shoulder whilst we went back to laughing and chatting. I jumped lightly and hoped he didn’t notice any unusual behaviour on my part, I thought I was doing a fairly decent job of covering anything up.

“You’ve got such a good voice!” We were standing by the bar by now and watching other people going up and singing and then as the DJ started playing tunes again watching as the small area that made up a dance floor started filling up. I was on my fourth? Fifth? Pint of the night and feeling nicely drunk. Not the forget your own name drunk I’d apparently been the night before but happy and okay, a bit touchy. I was smiling as I leaned in to talk in Jean’s ear, thinking that the noise in the room was a good as excuse as any and sneaking a whiff of his aftershave at the same time. Which was really good by the way.

“Thanks!” Jean turned to me with a grin and I could tell he wasn’t putting it on, if he had been before, his eyes were half lidded as he looked at me and his cheeks were pink. Flushed with the alcohol I assumed.  I wondered if I should be a decent friend and get him back to the hotel but my brain was on a bit of a go slow.

“You should sing more often, I’d like to hear that.”

“Sure you would Freckles, but did you like the song?”

“It’s was a bit cheesy, but yeah. I liked it.”

“I know you like cheesy,” Jean’s breath by now was hot against my ear, tickling my neck and I had to suppress an urge to lean in, tilt my head a little… “but the song, Marco, I picked it because I thought…”

He slid his hand onto my thigh and I sucked in a breath, looking down at it and not daring to breathe. He kept it there, not moving and slowly I turned to face him. I could feel the heat in my cheeks and I opened and shut my mouth a few times, mind just white noise and not offering anything constructive at all. _Thanks brain, thanks for all the help._

“You thought…?”

We were just a couple of inches apart. His eyes were focused on mine and I was frozen in place, not daring to move in case I did what I _really_ wanted to do right then. Tentatively I brought my own hand to rest on top of Jean’s and he didn’t shake it off. What he did do was flick his eyes down onto my lips and I actually groaned. Man, I was a teenager with a crush right then and the sultry expression he held, tongue flicking to lightly whet his own lips had me biting on my own, anticipating him leaning forward and closing the last bit of distance…

“No,” he muttered and I snapped back.

“What?”

He was looking up and out at the rest of the bar area, darkened as it was, scanning around and I realised he was looking to see who was watching us, if anyone. I looked myself and spotted the guys in the throng of people dancing, not paying anyone else any attention at all, though Reiner and Bert were pulling some crazy ass moves.

I watched them whilst I tried to process things, what was going on with Jean and myself here? Before I could question anything I was being pulled off my bar stool and dragged through the mass of people towards the exit. Just as we got to the door I happened to catch Armin’s eye as he passed with drinks in hand and I swear he dropped me a wink. I didn’t even have chance to look surprised though before we were outside and heading back in the direction of our hotel.

“Jean, wait!” I pulled my arm free and stopped, shaking my head and blinking as he came back and grabbed it again. “No, what is this?!” I moved it away.

He stepped closer and into my personal space and I could feel the tension between us like a living, breathing thing. He brought one hand up to my cheek and I shivered.

“Please?” Jean looked at me in such a way that I was quite proud of my self-restraint. I think if I hadn’t been cultivating it for so long I wouldn’t have been able to pull it off. Especially when half drunk. However we were out on the street and part of my brain, the part that wasn’t currently residing in my slightly tighter pants, knew this wasn’t the place for this kind of _discussion_.

“Come on.” I took his hand from my cheek, held onto it tightly and set off.

\---------------------------------------------------------

“Fuck! Shit! Bollocks!” There was a steady stream of low expletives as Jean fumbled for the keys with what I noticed were shaking hands to our hotel room door. Able to pilot a fighter jet in hostile conditions whilst hardly breaking a sweat, but give the guy a chance to get his end away and suddenly he was a nervous wreck. I would have laughed but I was no better myself, stumbling through the door a few steps when it finally opened only to feel hands on my shoulders pushing me back and against it, slamming closed as Jean crashed our mouths together.

There was no hesitation on my part. God knows I’d been wanting this for long enough and right now I wasn’t even thinking of consequences or even why Jean, one of the straightest guys I knew, was biting on my lip, our tongues meeting and we moaned into one another’s mouths. My hands were on his hips, pulling us closer and bloody hell! I broke the kiss, head leaning back and hitting the door as we rubbed against each other. Jean was now kissing my neck hungrily and when I felt a little nip I yelped softly.

“Sorry,” he muttered and kissed over the spot, “shouldn’t have done that yesterday either.”

That pulled me out of my haze slightly and I looked at him, “y-you...?” Even in the dark I could see his sheepish expression and when he pulled back a bit I saw his adams apple bob as he swallowed.

“Yesterday. That was you? You kissed me…or did I kiss you…? Did anything else…? Fuck.” I leaned back again and closed my eyes, all this being a bit much to take in the slightly befuddled state I was in and I groaned with it all.

“Doesn’t matter now,” came Jean’s murmured reply close to my ear, “talk tomorrow,” and I felt his hands in my hair, fingers running over my scalp and then the hot wetness of his tongue over my neck and ear. I couldn’t help the shudder that went through me and I turned towards him.

“Jean…” He kissed me again, shifting so his knee was between my legs and pushing forwards, thigh kneading into me and making my breath come shorter. I had to hold onto him to keep my knees from giving out. I don’t know if he realised just what effect he was having on me already but I must assume so, that or he was little better himself because before long he moved away again and taking both my wrists pulled me with him over to his bed, letting me go to quickly strip off his shirt.

It took me a moment before my brain caught up and I started on my own, my fingers being clumsy with the buttons but after a moment’s struggle they were gently swatted away to be replaced by Jean’s who made swift work of them and soon my shirt ended up on the floor with his. If I’d been more sober I might have wondered at that at the time…that Jean seemed much more compos mentis than I did…but quite simply I wasn’t and it never entered my head.

He pushed me back and I fell onto the bed, shuffling up and Jean pulled my shoes off for me, his own already gone and then moved on top, knees either side of my hips and hands either side of my neck. I looked up at him feeling flushed and breathing shallowly in anticipation. I think I was still in shock and trying to convince myself this was really happening.

That Jean Kirschtein was straddled over me where I could freely let my eyes roam over his chest and hard muscled stomach. That he was leaning down and kissing me. That he was nibbling on my neck (Fuck! That was going to be more marks to hide or explain tomorrow!). That he was running his hands over my chest and sucking on my nipples until t I moaned loudly, that he was undoing my belt and jeans…

At that point I was whimpering his name, I _think_ I was pulling his hair and I _know_ I scratched his back when he pulled my jeans and boxers down and put his hand on me, though he never complained if I was hurting him. 

His hand was warm and he had a firm grip as he stroked me and I couldn’t help the groans and whimpers that tumbled off my lips.

“Marco…is this what you want?” He was nestled between my legs and looking up at me. As if I wasn't already a melted mess under him! how blind was he! I met his eyes and watched as he licked his lips at which I sighed out a breathy ‘yes’, head falling back and then arching my hips up when I felt his mouth on me, taking me a little at first then more and my eyes rolled back as I bit my lip. I tried to remember not to buck up too much but then when I did anyway his hands were already holding me down.

I wasn’t vastly experienced in this sort of thing, I’d spent the last few years trying to keep a lid on my sexuality and so I hadn’t exactly seen much action. Then there was the fact that I’d been lusting after the man who was currently making my toes curl and who’s name I was repeating who I’d been convinced I had zero chance with. But having said all that I was certain right then that this was probably the best blow job I’d had or was going to have for a while.

I felt his tongue pressing along my shaft, licking over the head and then the heat enveloped me again. I wasn’t going to last long, not in the state I was in with everything considered and pretty soon I felt the tightness building in the pit of my stomach. I pulled on his hair a little, about to say something when abruptly he moved away anyhow.

“Jean!” I whined but not for long. He sat back on his knees and I looked down as he unbuckled his belt and pushed his jeans and pants down in one move past his thighs, enough so as I got a good look at his decently sized appendage before he came back down. This time lying over me and taking both of our lengths in hand at once, slicked now from his previous actions and as I gasped at the contact he leaned in to kiss me again.

I could taste myself on his tongue and though it probably shouldn’t have it just turned me on more by that point, thinking on what he'd been doing to me and my fingers pressed into his hips as I bucked freely into his hand, self control at this point a thing of the past. He was doing the same thing and soon we were panting openly, foreheads pressed together and it didn’t take long before I cried out. My orgasm hitting me hard and Jean kept up the rhythm through it, making me incoherent as my mind went blank and then a few seconds later I heard my own name tumble from Jean’s lips, when for a second time wetness hit my stomach.

Jean collapsed onto me and rolled off onto one side where we both lay in silence apart from our heavy breathing which slowly calmed back down to a more normal pace. I let the high take me, eyes closed and just trying to let it all sink in. Truth be told I felt fantastic, even though I was fuzzy from drink. I turned my head towards him but before I could say anything he sat up, pushed his clothes the rest of the way off and went over to the en suite. I watched him go, heard the tap running briefly and sat up. My head was slightly clearer now but I could feel the beginnings of a headache forming already. I couldn’t wrap my head around what had just happened but before I’d had time to start to think about it Jean was back and I took that as my cue to go and clean myself up a bit.

A shower would have to wait till the morning but I wet a face cloth and wiped my abdomen down, tossing it aside to deal with tomorrow. Filling the glass from the shelf next to the toothbrush holder and I chugged it down, hoping it would help a bit with the inevitable hangover. When I went back into the bedroom Jean was already under the covers and I hesitated.

Was he expecting me to go back to my own bed or stay in his? They were only singles so it made more sense to sleep in my own but after that…

“Marco, just come here.” A sleepy voice, half muffled by a pillow called me over and I went, Jean moving to give me enough space before I slipped under the duvet and turned on my side. Jean wrapped his arm over my waist and I finally relaxed, hand on his arm and closed my eyes. Sleep found me quickly and with a soft smile on my face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry I made you wait for this chapter - I hope it was worth it!
> 
> You can find the acoustic version of Dream Catch Me that Jean sings here:
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> [Dream Catch Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPJ5JMiWTbg%20)
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>  
> 
> As per usual you can find me on my personal Tumblr
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> [Tilperiel](http://tilperiel.tumblr.com/)
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> Though I'm mainly on my rp accounts I do check in often.
> 
> Any comment's/constructive crit is welcome :)
> 
> (and enjoy the fluff while it lasts!)


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